Sadden

Hello
I thought around this time I would be writing good things about Christmas, but since the passing of my sister I don't think I can. Everybody keeps telling me that this feeling will someday passed, but it can't come soon enough. My sister had two beautiful children and what hurts me the most is that she won't be there for them, when they go off to college or to prom. I'm already hurting, but I hurt even the more when I think about her young children. I know God does everything for a reason, but I still ask him why, why did he take my sister away from us and most of all from her dear sweet children. She won't be there to catch them when they fall, she won't be there when her son has his first girlfriend or her daughter has her first boyfriend or when either one of them turns eighteen. Oh Lord, how am I suppose to celebrate Christmas or bring in the News year knowing she didn't make it. She saw ground breaking history when Barack Obama was elected as the first black president of America,but sadly she won't see him get sworn into office next month. The last time I talked to her was hours before she died through my mother on her cell phone. I asked her was she giving up and she said no. I wonder if she told me that so I wouldn't worry. I cried as she laid on her death bed, lifeless looking, begging for her not to leave because her children needed her. Doctors told my mother that she was in a semi coma, but I think she was already gone. I wonder if she heard my plea and if she tried to come back. When I was crying my mom said she can hear you, but one of my older sisters said that my mother was in denial and doctors said she was very sick. But I wouldn't say that my mommy was in denial, but she is a praying a lady and I think she thought that God Almighty would spare her baby's life. No one know how a mother feels when their child is sick and she just wanted the Lord to breathe life back into her little girl's life. She wasn't actually a little girl, but she was to her mother. My mom often wonders if she was good mother to her, but she was. She was excellent because she was by my sister's side every step of the way taking her to doctors appointments and rushing her to the hospital. As a matter of fact, she rushed her to the hospital that one last time. My mommy said she asked her on the way to the hospital was she given up and my sister said, "no ma, I got to much to live for," which is the exact same thing she told me. All the while she was saying this my mom said she never looked up and kept her head down. I hurt for my mother because no one can understand a mother's love for her child until they have their own. Sometime I cry for my big sister asking her to come and talk to me, but I don't think she will. I acted like a child sometimes knowing fully that I understand why she's gone, but I still ask why God, why? I remember when John Ritter died, his wife said their little girl told God to drop him from heaven and just like her I told the Lord the same thing about my sister. My mom said she can hear me, I just have to listen. I also asked God Almighty why did he have to take my sister away and my mom said listen and he will tell you. At times I can't sleep at night wondering about my sister. In case your wondering what was wrong with my sister, she had heart failure. We didn't realize how sick she was, although she kept saying it, maybe we were in denial and did not want her to be sick, I don't know. I wish I could hold her hand again or even feel her touch. It's crazy because I can hear her voice when I think about her, but I know she's not talking to me. I like to pretend that I visit her in heaven and we talk. I wonder what she would tell me if we did talk. I touch all of her stuff or things that she bought me every chance I get. I often sing or think about the song "tears in heaven" by Eric Clappin it makes me feel some what better. The song also reminds me of my nephew who died 8 years ago last month. He died at 10 of natural causes because he was sick when he was born. My mother also questioned herself as to whether she was a good grand mother to him and I assured her today she was.I will stop at this point because I can go on and on forever.

LaTonya

50% touch, 50 percent smile, 50% warm embrace and 60 percent encouragement are the qualities that made up Latonya. 100 percent is perfect, but her characteristics are far beyond that you see because they equal to 210 and that's tips the charts. A mother first, a daughter second, a sister third, a friend fourth and finally anything else left out is the way God Almighty fashioned her to be. With her kinds words and encouragement made you feel a tad bit better about life. Warm warm, warm embrace is what I keep hearing and touch, touch, touch, touch is all I can think about because these make up a 100 percent of her characteristics which is the perfect number on the scale. WOW, she gone and can't I hardly believe it, but when I think her I know that any goals in life I want to accomplish I' ll achieve them.
Latonya loved to loved and I can't stress it anymore that she loved to sing songs. In fact, she was known as sister-sing-along because she always sung with everyone. Death has no name, no face and it is no respecter of person because it takes whomever it wants at any given moment. It's lurks all day and night and takes the person they think who is right, but we won't worry because God received her on the other end, Amen. She is in heaven smiling above and I keep hearing this song I had some good days.
I will rejoice and be Glad in the Lord because he is my strength and my redeemer and I know he took her into GLORY. So I can say this about her
L is for the way she loved
A is for awesome anointed woman of God she was
T is the tolerance she had because had a lot
O is for the only one of her kind
N is for the nice mother sister, daughter and woman she was
Y is for the yawning desire she had to live and the future she looked into beyond her sickness
A is for always knowing her expected end.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU and I know you are watching down on us especially your children for you will never be forgotten, but remain in our hearts Forever.
Amen
This is my song!!!!!

Love One's loss on the holidays

Hello
I haven't been on here for sometime, almost a month and a lot has changed since then. I've had two things that took place all in d ayI took my last final for school and I'm completely done with school and will be getting my bachelor degree in a few weeks. I also got one of these worst phone calls ever and it was my mom calling me to tell me that she was rushing my sister to the doctor because she didn't feel well. I had my mom ask my sister some questions to assure that she was OK because I was a little worried about her and my mom did and said "she think she has the flu. My sister had just been released from the hospital last Thursday because she had congestive hear failure and she thought she had gotten sick from the lady that was shared the same room as she. An hour later, while studying for my final, I got a phone call from my other oldest sister asking me why I didn't tell her that my mom was taking my sister to the hospital and that another sister of ours called her and told her doctors said her heart was beating to fast. I reassured my older sister was fine and that I didn't tell anyone because it wasn't too serious and my mom said she thinks she only has the flu and that she would call me back as soon as she found out what was going on. My sister seem to be relieve and she said that the sister that called her made it seem like she was on her death bed. I said no she's fine. I then called my mom to make some sense of the conversation I just had with my big sister. She confirmed what my other sister told my older sister and added they had to giver her something to make her heart beat at a normal rate, but my mom did not sound calm. I sense a little weariness in her voice. I said "what's wrong" and she said "nothing, I will call you back." I went back to studying for my final. I then got another call from my oldest sister saying that they had to revive my sickly sister, but she was OK, I immediately began to cry and so was the voice on the other end of the phone. I didn't even want to go to school and take my final, how could I? but my sister said go and she made it seem as if everything was fine, but I called my husband crying and told him was going on. I then began studying for my test and my twin sister called and asked me was I'm coming to the hospital after I got out of school, and how was I doing I said yes, but I thought I would go the next day maybe if everything was fine since I was getting out of school late. I wanted to know why my twin asked me this and called her, but the dropped. I called my mom to ask why she asked me these things and the call also dropped. My husband came to take me to school and he said he would go to the hospital to check on her, I saw the sun out and knew something was funny because the sun hasn't been out in a while and so I went to school to take my final very tough I may add.My husband came and got me and I don't quite remember what happened next, but we were on the subject of hospital and he said they transferred her to another hospital and he because of her condition. So we went to the hospital and I asked my family how she was doing, but no one knew and they hadn't saw her in a while and that they revived her three time instead of once and today my twin said doctors at the previous hospital said that he didn't think she was going to make it. When I asked why they didn't want to tell me they said because we didn't want that on your mind why you were taking your test, such caring girls. We finally got to see her after 5 hours, needless to say she was in terrible condition. A doctor told us that she probably wouldn't make it through the night because her body was not responding to the medication they were giving her to bring her blood pressure up, we cried and I had a child' tantrum. The doctor came back and said her body began to respond, we were really happy and some of were praying that God made a way to her whole again. She had a family full of people come to see her and after they got the news about the medication working they began to leave, but my mother and another sister her son and my sick sister's children stayed over night. A nurse told an aunt of mind that her body had respond to it more. The next day doctors wanted to perform a surgery that would make her blood flow, but sadly she died in the process and the holidays Will be so hard with her. I love her and I'm so glad that those were some of that words that we exchanged with one other. "I love you" is what we said to one another.